And I let him in.

It was a snowy day in Cleveland. I sat alone in my much-too-large-for-only-one-person-apartment, wondering. Wondering entirely-too-intensely-about-everything-I-could-think-of. Has anyone ever died from eating non-cooked Toll House cookie dough? How long would it take to save up enough lint to make a sweater? Would George Clooney like me? If my neighbor started secretly feeding my cat Fancy Feast would Ms. Fluffypants desert me for the better meal? If I had a significant other in my life would I be boring him to tears with my ponderings?

Just then…

I hear a knock at the door. I race over to the peephole and look through it. I recognize the stranger from a newscast earlier in the week. …

Respect the whole roll

When it all began, I started to keep a toilet paper tube journal of our days in quarantine.

You know how Howie Mandel is a germaphobe? Many years ago, he’s the guy who taught me about the yuck factor in handshaking. I heard him talk about it on a talk show once. Anyhow, Howie has been on my mind lately.

The other entries…

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Do you remember?

Remember that one time when you took me sailing?

The wind kept howling TURN BACK!

But we made believe that we didn’t understand.

We acted like we didn’t speak Wind.

I was five and when I asked you why I had to wear a life vest, you told me because my life meant everything to you.

and the vest could save my life.

I didn’t understand why you didn’t wear a life vest.

Didn’t your life mean everything to you?

You poured yourself another drink and winked at me.

I thought you were sweet.

Because you are.

Sweet

to me —

but now I see,

sour to yourself. …

Respect the whole roll

Here’s another entry from the journal I kept on toilet paper tubes at the start of our self-quarantine.

Another entry:

Another entry:

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Respect the whole roll

When we all began sheltering in place and hoarding TP,

I realized that I wanted to use every bit of the toilet paper that I had. You know, waste not, want not, and such. I began keeping a diary on the toilet paper tubes.

On day 13 I kept thinking about my mom…

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I interviewed my pal, the legendary indie film director, Henry Jaglom

One of the sheltering in place side effects for me has been my newfound friendship with the legendary indie film director, Henry Jaglom.

As a teenager, I remember going to the Laemmle theatre on Sunset Blvd to see Henry Jaglom’s film, Eating, a movie about women and their relationship with food. What I remember liking about it was how the entire film was about women. What women thought, felt, feared, and wanted. Women, women, women! This was at a time where women characters were mostly second banana to the men characters. And as an actress myself, this Jaglom guy shined a spotlight directly on women in a way I hadn’t seen before. …

Respect the whole roll

Back in the early days of self-isolation,

when TP was all the rage, I could not bring myself to throw away any part of the toilet paper, including the cardboard tube. I kept the tubes and started keeping a quarantine diary. And now I share with you my innermost, socially distanced thoughts.

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Do you pretend to like the thing or do you go on with your not liking the thing?

I am about to reveal something that will undoubtedly shock many of you.

Upon hearing this news you might be stunned speechless. Not that you’re speaking while reading. Unless you read out loud. Maybe you like the sound of your own voice or maybe you’re reading this to a loved one so when they drift off into slumber they will be lulled peacefully with dreamy Annie Wood whispering her stories into their dreamy ears. Anyway, you’ve been warned…

I. Don’t. Like. Cake.

At all.

Not even a little bit.

SAY WHAT NOW? Most people can’t believe it when I utter these words. They assume I’m just being a health-nut or watching my weight. …